Well, it has been a really long time since I wrote and I thought maybe today was the day. I had a great Thanksgiving in Pennsylvania, it was so nice to see family and friends. It also was a very sad one for me for I saw my dear friend whom is dying. She hugged me so tightly and cried and I felt so helpless. I wanted to just hold her forever. I hated closing the door and leaving, I hate that, that particular day was probably the last I will see her and what I hate most is that realization.
I will cherish that day forever....
The year is almost over and I really can't wait for 2009. I'm hoping it will bring not so much sickness, tears and death. I know it is a part of life but 2008 was bittersweet. My friend Jeanie dying is still something that plagues me, the not knowing what happened is so mind-boggling. On the good side, we bought our new home. Such a joyous occasion, to buy the house we plan to be in for a long, long time. A new home, also, with Corian counters, walk in closets and after we finish the basement, 3200 sq ft of living space. I will have that front porch I have wanted FOREVER with rocking chairs and tables. Big back yard with woods where I can chase the kids. I can't wait for that day......yet, I still think to myself, I can surely wait for the day my friend passes away......
a bittersweet 2008....
Well, today is December 1st and I'm counting down until Christmas. I just love this holiday season and the excitement my children feel. It will be our last one in our current house. We have packed up so much stuff and jeesh, you don't know how much "stuff " you have until you really start packing. Luckily, we packed up half the house in July. I think we will get our tree today or tomorrow and I really love at night watching T.V. and having just the tree lights on. It makes me so snuggly and want to drink hot chocolate. One of those small things, beautiful thing, I never take for granted.
I wish all of you a wonderful holiday season and may you have many, many blessings.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
The Unexpected Joys
Here is my list for the last 3 months, these are just a few, I'm sure there is many more:
Vanessa peeing and pooping on the potty
Vanessa knowing and saying letters and numbers when I show her flash cards
Hayden and Vanessa singing beautifully
Hayden and Vanessa reading 20 books a day
Vanessa doing things at the playground her brother wouldn't have done at her age
Hayden and Vanessa unloading the entire dishwasher (except knives) everyday.
Hayden cleaning his room every week.
Vanessa doing her share helping.
Hayden helping make meals for families, whom we take to, who just had a new baby
Hayden helping Dad make salsa, doing almost all of the chopping
Hayden painting two pieces of fence at the library
Hayden painting a dinosaur egg and his work hanging up downtown
Hayden making a completely edible bird feeder
Vanessa naming all of her body parts
Vanessa playing house and being a "mommy" to her babies
Vanessa getting her first Barbie and not ripping her head off...not that she does that but I didn't know what she would do..hahaha
Hayden donating money to the Children's Museum
Hayden giving a gift to Miss Larson for her classroom
Hayden giving a complete stranger one of his dad's business cards...there is a great story behind this one!
Hayden and Vanessa eating breakfast watching Little Einsteins...she leans her head on his shoulder and he leans his head on her head. It was one of the most precious moments I ever saw! They stayed that way the entire show...
Summer memories in the Madl household.
Good Day!
Vanessa peeing and pooping on the potty
Vanessa knowing and saying letters and numbers when I show her flash cards
Hayden and Vanessa singing beautifully
Hayden and Vanessa reading 20 books a day
Vanessa doing things at the playground her brother wouldn't have done at her age
Hayden and Vanessa unloading the entire dishwasher (except knives) everyday.
Hayden cleaning his room every week.
Vanessa doing her share helping.
Hayden helping make meals for families, whom we take to, who just had a new baby
Hayden helping Dad make salsa, doing almost all of the chopping
Hayden painting two pieces of fence at the library
Hayden painting a dinosaur egg and his work hanging up downtown
Hayden making a completely edible bird feeder
Vanessa naming all of her body parts
Vanessa playing house and being a "mommy" to her babies
Vanessa getting her first Barbie and not ripping her head off...not that she does that but I didn't know what she would do..hahaha
Hayden donating money to the Children's Museum
Hayden giving a gift to Miss Larson for her classroom
Hayden giving a complete stranger one of his dad's business cards...there is a great story behind this one!
Hayden and Vanessa eating breakfast watching Little Einsteins...she leans her head on his shoulder and he leans his head on her head. It was one of the most precious moments I ever saw! They stayed that way the entire show...
Summer memories in the Madl household.
Good Day!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Heartache
Wow, summer is almost over...isn't that weird? It seems it just started. So much is happening in our lives right now between grieving over lost friends and illnesses, finding a new home and selling our home now. I do feel a little overwhelmed but I'm hanging in there and just taking it one day at a time. This is a happy time in my life but yet inside I am really hurting. I have a friend who has passed away, another one that I never got to say goodbye to. Then one who has cancer and not a good kind. Everyday, I have to stop and cry at least once. Thoughts of Tina and my uncle Jeff come to surface also, pain is just breaking my heart.
My friend Dee, who has found out she has cancer is my best friend's mom. Dee was the other "mom" in my life all through school. I can't remember when I first met her because Gigi and I have been friends for so long it just seems like forever. I'm really trying so hard to be strong for Gigi but I'm breaking down inside. I knew "someday" we would experience issues with our parents and even death but not yet...not this soon.
On the flip side of things, we found a house, we are putting ours up for sale on Saturday and kids are having a blast in Pennsylvania but my heart is just aching and aching. Nothing seems as important to me, well, at least not as important. My family is important, that's not what I'm saying. But house buying and selling seems so superficial when I have a friend who died and one who is dying. My grieving hasn't exactly stopped from Tina. I can still think about her and start sobbing.
I guess I wrote this entry as a journal writing and feeling the need to write what I am feeling. My heart is going to ache fo a long time.....a very long time.
My friend Dee, who has found out she has cancer is my best friend's mom. Dee was the other "mom" in my life all through school. I can't remember when I first met her because Gigi and I have been friends for so long it just seems like forever. I'm really trying so hard to be strong for Gigi but I'm breaking down inside. I knew "someday" we would experience issues with our parents and even death but not yet...not this soon.
On the flip side of things, we found a house, we are putting ours up for sale on Saturday and kids are having a blast in Pennsylvania but my heart is just aching and aching. Nothing seems as important to me, well, at least not as important. My family is important, that's not what I'm saying. But house buying and selling seems so superficial when I have a friend who died and one who is dying. My grieving hasn't exactly stopped from Tina. I can still think about her and start sobbing.
I guess I wrote this entry as a journal writing and feeling the need to write what I am feeling. My heart is going to ache fo a long time.....a very long time.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Having Summertime Fun!
We have been having fun for sometime now but lately, we have just been having some great funny moments. I asked Hayden what he wants to be when he grows up and he told me a policeman. I said "Really?" and he said "yes, a policeman". So, I just had to write that in his journal, his first career choice at 4 years old...hehehe...I thought it was great. Maybe our gift of giving teachings have paved the way to where he wants to help others. Whatever it is, I'm so proud of him anyways.
The funny thing right now is he will ask me something like, what are we having for dinner? So I tell him and his answer is "nice..." and he says it like a smooth teenager...hehehe...He says it now ALL the time after anything, it is hilarious. I don't even know where he picked it up but it comes across like someone who would say "sweet!"...hehehe. He is such a funny kid.
Today we went to the children's museum and made a natural bird nest feeder. It was really cool and the kids had a blast. I had to peel them out of there and then we took daddy for lunch. They love that. Ludington is very happening right now, it's busy, the streets are loaded and it just makes me want to play the Beach Boys and drive around...hehe. We went and saw Reo Speedwagon and they were fantastic. We all danced and the kids loved it. Tomorrow is the parade, which is the best parade of Ludington, in my opinion and then another concert with fireworks.
Saturday is a beach day with family, food and fun and Sunday is church and the art fair. I am so excited to sing this week, we have some lovely songs. The gal I sing with told me she would really love to hear me do some solos, so I am thinking about it...I told her to ask me in a couple of months. My confidence is definitely building, I sing now with no nerves at all but I'm also on stage with other people. The youth pastor who leads the band said I sounded beautiful tonight at rehearsal and that made me feel really good. At my art council meeting, they found out I sing and jotted that down so I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into but hopefully it is a musical or theatre...That would be awesome!!
So, summer is buzzing by and we are having a great time...I haven't exercised in months and it really doesn't matter at this point, kids are first and my top priority...I'm having too much fun and LOVING it!! Something happened when we went away to Boyne Mountain for my husband's regional. I had soooo many people coming up to me and saying how awesome I looked and how they really look forward to seeing me each year and one even came up and said I'm a star, that everyone loves me...It was the weirdest thing because it wasn't just one or two...it was like 13 different people!! Then some even made comments to my husband about how much they love me and I'm so beautiful....okay, you don't understand, I lack serious confidence and have terrible self-esteem so for this to happen to me was mind blowing...
My hubby said everyone loves you, you have that personality and you glow and you are so beautiful....breathes....All I can say is, it made my entire year...I got showered with an unbelievable amount of compliments and I'm still in shock from it...I swear I'm not bragging, I'm just sharing an exciting time for me and I'm so happy I could burst!
So, back to my kids, enough about me....I have fantastic news!!! Hayden is going to be donating money to the children's museum and his preschool teacher works there during the summer so I was telling her today about his gift of giving project we are working on. She wants me to call her a few days before he hand delivers the money and she is having the newspaper come and take pics of him!! I am sooooooooooooo excited for him!!!
Having Summertime fun!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!
Happy 4th of July!!!
The funny thing right now is he will ask me something like, what are we having for dinner? So I tell him and his answer is "nice..." and he says it like a smooth teenager...hehehe...He says it now ALL the time after anything, it is hilarious. I don't even know where he picked it up but it comes across like someone who would say "sweet!"...hehehe. He is such a funny kid.
Today we went to the children's museum and made a natural bird nest feeder. It was really cool and the kids had a blast. I had to peel them out of there and then we took daddy for lunch. They love that. Ludington is very happening right now, it's busy, the streets are loaded and it just makes me want to play the Beach Boys and drive around...hehe. We went and saw Reo Speedwagon and they were fantastic. We all danced and the kids loved it. Tomorrow is the parade, which is the best parade of Ludington, in my opinion and then another concert with fireworks.
Saturday is a beach day with family, food and fun and Sunday is church and the art fair. I am so excited to sing this week, we have some lovely songs. The gal I sing with told me she would really love to hear me do some solos, so I am thinking about it...I told her to ask me in a couple of months. My confidence is definitely building, I sing now with no nerves at all but I'm also on stage with other people. The youth pastor who leads the band said I sounded beautiful tonight at rehearsal and that made me feel really good. At my art council meeting, they found out I sing and jotted that down so I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into but hopefully it is a musical or theatre...That would be awesome!!
So, summer is buzzing by and we are having a great time...I haven't exercised in months and it really doesn't matter at this point, kids are first and my top priority...I'm having too much fun and LOVING it!! Something happened when we went away to Boyne Mountain for my husband's regional. I had soooo many people coming up to me and saying how awesome I looked and how they really look forward to seeing me each year and one even came up and said I'm a star, that everyone loves me...It was the weirdest thing because it wasn't just one or two...it was like 13 different people!! Then some even made comments to my husband about how much they love me and I'm so beautiful....okay, you don't understand, I lack serious confidence and have terrible self-esteem so for this to happen to me was mind blowing...
My hubby said everyone loves you, you have that personality and you glow and you are so beautiful....breathes....All I can say is, it made my entire year...I got showered with an unbelievable amount of compliments and I'm still in shock from it...I swear I'm not bragging, I'm just sharing an exciting time for me and I'm so happy I could burst!
So, back to my kids, enough about me....I have fantastic news!!! Hayden is going to be donating money to the children's museum and his preschool teacher works there during the summer so I was telling her today about his gift of giving project we are working on. She wants me to call her a few days before he hand delivers the money and she is having the newspaper come and take pics of him!! I am sooooooooooooo excited for him!!!
Having Summertime fun!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!
Happy 4th of July!!!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Kids and Life
My little darling girl, Vanessa, is really taking off lately. She now goes potty everyday in her potty, several times a day. We are so PROUD of her and how easy she is making potty training. I think she could very easily have this down by the end of summer. She is also learning her alphabet, she named three letters to me today and that is all I had time to work with her so she may know more and I don't know yet. Hayden has learned and is now officially comfortable swimming underwater, so what did he do in the bath tonight? Teach her to put her face underwater and she LOVED it. I told him, I'm not quite ready for her to learn that...Panic was inside me the whole time she was doing it and she did it like 4 times.
Vanessa is also very smart, she catches on to things so quickly it amazes me. We were all playing legos and Hayden and I were building with small ones and Vanessa had big ones, well she came across a big lego that wasn't actually a lego...It was a piece from another company that somehow got in the lego box...imagine that...hehehe...Anyways, she looked at it and looked at me and shook her head no and gave it to me and continued building. She didn't say a word, just nodded to me that it wasn't the right kind of block and went on...How cute! I know that is something so little but it means the world to me and she was able to identify that right away.
Ever since she was a tiny little person, I would say around 5 months old, she could put her shirt on and put her arms in with no problem. I don't know how she learned but you basically stuck her shirt over her head and she did the rest. Well, she now undresses herself and can put her pants, socks and shoes all on herself. I still have to help some but she has it down pretty darn good. Of course, once in awhile you will see her with Hayden's underwear around her neck...LOL! What a kid!
I'm just so proud of her, she is just a delight to all of us and Hayden is a fantastic brother. He teaches her things all the time. He just taught her to throw a frisbee the other day and now she loves to do that. She is also doing great with throwing a ball. I'm really having so much fun with the kids lately. Hayden at swimming lessons went underwater four times and jumped off the diving board three and his confidence has gone through the roof...It's just fantastic.
So, my little girl is getting so big, my son is excelling more and more everyday. (Homeschooling is going great, he is up to reading 18 books a day with me!) We have spent quite a bit of time at the library lately, both of them just love it and with our colder weather I've taken advantage of the wonderful indoor activities in town.
As for me, I'm so busy with them I don't have much time for anything else although last night Brian and I went to our orientation for volunteering for the Arts Center. I'm so excited I could burst! They have so many cool things planned and I talked to the gal who plans all the events and classes and I gave her a few ideas and she put me on the committee. Brian said I was in my element and beaming. They want to get children's acting classes and have Shakespeare plays and artists are bringing work in for galleries. I told them all the many things I can do so they were very excited also. I told Brian I will do acting as well because I did it in college. How fun would that be!!!
They are bringing many different classes from sculpting to dance and I can teach too. I'm so giddy about it, I really am. This is just something I don't see me temporarily being involved in but for my lifetime or as long as we are in this town. Brian wants me to become a board member but I think I will start with being on a committee and doing a bunch of volunteer work, along with teaching or showing my own talents. I told them about my photography and graphic design work and I'm hoping my pieces can be showcased at some point.
I can already see my future, MOPS, kid's school involvement and the Arts Center...What a great lineup. Life just got even better!
Vanessa is also very smart, she catches on to things so quickly it amazes me. We were all playing legos and Hayden and I were building with small ones and Vanessa had big ones, well she came across a big lego that wasn't actually a lego...It was a piece from another company that somehow got in the lego box...imagine that...hehehe...Anyways, she looked at it and looked at me and shook her head no and gave it to me and continued building. She didn't say a word, just nodded to me that it wasn't the right kind of block and went on...How cute! I know that is something so little but it means the world to me and she was able to identify that right away.
Ever since she was a tiny little person, I would say around 5 months old, she could put her shirt on and put her arms in with no problem. I don't know how she learned but you basically stuck her shirt over her head and she did the rest. Well, she now undresses herself and can put her pants, socks and shoes all on herself. I still have to help some but she has it down pretty darn good. Of course, once in awhile you will see her with Hayden's underwear around her neck...LOL! What a kid!
I'm just so proud of her, she is just a delight to all of us and Hayden is a fantastic brother. He teaches her things all the time. He just taught her to throw a frisbee the other day and now she loves to do that. She is also doing great with throwing a ball. I'm really having so much fun with the kids lately. Hayden at swimming lessons went underwater four times and jumped off the diving board three and his confidence has gone through the roof...It's just fantastic.
So, my little girl is getting so big, my son is excelling more and more everyday. (Homeschooling is going great, he is up to reading 18 books a day with me!) We have spent quite a bit of time at the library lately, both of them just love it and with our colder weather I've taken advantage of the wonderful indoor activities in town.
As for me, I'm so busy with them I don't have much time for anything else although last night Brian and I went to our orientation for volunteering for the Arts Center. I'm so excited I could burst! They have so many cool things planned and I talked to the gal who plans all the events and classes and I gave her a few ideas and she put me on the committee. Brian said I was in my element and beaming. They want to get children's acting classes and have Shakespeare plays and artists are bringing work in for galleries. I told them all the many things I can do so they were very excited also. I told Brian I will do acting as well because I did it in college. How fun would that be!!!
They are bringing many different classes from sculpting to dance and I can teach too. I'm so giddy about it, I really am. This is just something I don't see me temporarily being involved in but for my lifetime or as long as we are in this town. Brian wants me to become a board member but I think I will start with being on a committee and doing a bunch of volunteer work, along with teaching or showing my own talents. I told them about my photography and graphic design work and I'm hoping my pieces can be showcased at some point.
I can already see my future, MOPS, kid's school involvement and the Arts Center...What a great lineup. Life just got even better!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Yea for Vanessa!!
Vanessa went pee in her potty today!! Yea!!!! WooHoo!! We had a party for her, she clapped and giggled too! This is great!!!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Setting My Mind Free
So, I am driving in the car tonight and my hubby and I got into deep conversation, we had a long drive and it was a perfect setting. We started talking about what makes us happy and I'm not going to go into all of our details but something happened and what I thought would make me happy is NOT what makes me happy. I'm talking about my weight. I truly have been thinking if I could just buckle down and get this weight off, I would be so happy. My opinion changed in moments of this conversation.
So we talked and I realized what makes me happy is my family and my art and talents, volunteering and traveling the world. I knew this but not to the level that I thought. I thought the weight thing was more important an issue for me. Recently, I have created a MySpace page and I have come across friends from high school. They are giving me unbelievable compliments..."You look incredible" one said..." You are gorgeous" another said. I went back to my photos and I looked at me and I thought, I beg to differ...I'm fatter and older! Then I looked again...I have a beautiful face. I may have weight on but I am beautiful and my family is beautiful.
I also thought of how I recently ran into a friend the same age that I hadn't seen in a year or so and she lost 30 pounds. I don't want to be mean but she aged 10 years. She weighed maybe 150 pounds before and now is 120 pounds and the wrinkles came out terrible. I don't want that. I want to be more healthy, yes, but I AM healthy now. I thought of how last year I went to Hersheypark and played the guess my age game...The girl said 26 and I was 36. I never felt so confident and proud then I did at that moment.
So, I am freeing my mind of my weight issues, I'm concentrating on what makes me feel beautiful and what I have that is beautiful, even if it is only a pretty face and skinny legs! hahahaha
My children are my mirror images of my happiness...what makes me happy is seeing my son excel so much and know that he is 4 with a kindergardner's brain and know that I am working so hard at homeschooling to help him even more. What makes me happy is teaching my daughter and watching her blossom into such a sweet spirit. She is only 19 months old and sitting on her potty already! Yea for Vanessa!!! Those little things give me so much happiness.
I've been making my own money and saving for a camera and I'm so close to achieving that goal and I can do my photography again, that makes me so happy. I gave forks and spoons that I decorate to Hayden's teachers, they didn't know I made them. They thought I bought them and as soon as they found out, they want to place orders to give as gifts! I'm ecstatic about that!!!! I do it as a hobby and it could make me money...woohoo!
I'm going to sing on Sunday, that makes me happy. I have a meeting coming up for volunteering with the Art League and I am so excited to see what all I can do. That makes me happy. It's not that I am saying, Oh, I will just stay fat...I just need to get rid of any thoughts about it at all because it puts negativity in me and makes me look at me from the outside and that is not what I want to teach my kids. I love food, I have pretty much gone back to no meat, I eat more vegetables than anything besides chocolate...hehehe. I make sure my kids eat great, they don't drink pop, they don't eat candy unless it is a special treat. I am doing what makes me happy and living a full, healthy life and having a ton of fun along with it.
I kept trying to figure out time to exercise...I don't want to figure out time to exercise...I want to stay so busy with my family and I am already so busy with extra-curricular activities and that is what I enjoy. I just don't want to worry about it anymore, I want to keep my youthful beauty from the inside out.
In ending, my conversation with my hubby opened a new door for me...I am throwing away the weight issues completely and concentrating on just making myself happy with the things that make me happy. That's all I need, truly. Friends, family, love, respect and my spirit to be free.
So we talked and I realized what makes me happy is my family and my art and talents, volunteering and traveling the world. I knew this but not to the level that I thought. I thought the weight thing was more important an issue for me. Recently, I have created a MySpace page and I have come across friends from high school. They are giving me unbelievable compliments..."You look incredible" one said..." You are gorgeous" another said. I went back to my photos and I looked at me and I thought, I beg to differ...I'm fatter and older! Then I looked again...I have a beautiful face. I may have weight on but I am beautiful and my family is beautiful.
I also thought of how I recently ran into a friend the same age that I hadn't seen in a year or so and she lost 30 pounds. I don't want to be mean but she aged 10 years. She weighed maybe 150 pounds before and now is 120 pounds and the wrinkles came out terrible. I don't want that. I want to be more healthy, yes, but I AM healthy now. I thought of how last year I went to Hersheypark and played the guess my age game...The girl said 26 and I was 36. I never felt so confident and proud then I did at that moment.
So, I am freeing my mind of my weight issues, I'm concentrating on what makes me feel beautiful and what I have that is beautiful, even if it is only a pretty face and skinny legs! hahahaha
My children are my mirror images of my happiness...what makes me happy is seeing my son excel so much and know that he is 4 with a kindergardner's brain and know that I am working so hard at homeschooling to help him even more. What makes me happy is teaching my daughter and watching her blossom into such a sweet spirit. She is only 19 months old and sitting on her potty already! Yea for Vanessa!!! Those little things give me so much happiness.
I've been making my own money and saving for a camera and I'm so close to achieving that goal and I can do my photography again, that makes me so happy. I gave forks and spoons that I decorate to Hayden's teachers, they didn't know I made them. They thought I bought them and as soon as they found out, they want to place orders to give as gifts! I'm ecstatic about that!!!! I do it as a hobby and it could make me money...woohoo!
I'm going to sing on Sunday, that makes me happy. I have a meeting coming up for volunteering with the Art League and I am so excited to see what all I can do. That makes me happy. It's not that I am saying, Oh, I will just stay fat...I just need to get rid of any thoughts about it at all because it puts negativity in me and makes me look at me from the outside and that is not what I want to teach my kids. I love food, I have pretty much gone back to no meat, I eat more vegetables than anything besides chocolate...hehehe. I make sure my kids eat great, they don't drink pop, they don't eat candy unless it is a special treat. I am doing what makes me happy and living a full, healthy life and having a ton of fun along with it.
I kept trying to figure out time to exercise...I don't want to figure out time to exercise...I want to stay so busy with my family and I am already so busy with extra-curricular activities and that is what I enjoy. I just don't want to worry about it anymore, I want to keep my youthful beauty from the inside out.
In ending, my conversation with my hubby opened a new door for me...I am throwing away the weight issues completely and concentrating on just making myself happy with the things that make me happy. That's all I need, truly. Friends, family, love, respect and my spirit to be free.
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