Setting My Mind Free

So, I am driving in the car tonight and my hubby and I got into deep conversation, we had a long drive and it was a perfect setting. We started talking about what makes us happy and I'm not going to go into all of our details but something happened and what I thought would make me happy is NOT what makes me happy. I'm talking about my weight. I truly have been thinking if I could just buckle down and get this weight off, I would be so happy. My opinion changed in moments of this conversation.

So we talked and I realized what makes me happy is my family and my art and talents, volunteering and traveling the world. I knew this but not to the level that I thought. I thought the weight thing was more important an issue for me. Recently, I have created a MySpace page and I have come across friends from high school. They are giving me unbelievable compliments..."You look incredible" one said..." You are gorgeous" another said. I went back to my photos and I looked at me and I thought, I beg to differ...I'm fatter and older! Then I looked again...I have a beautiful face. I may have weight on but I am beautiful and my family is beautiful.

I also thought of how I recently ran into a friend the same age that I hadn't seen in a year or so and she lost 30 pounds. I don't want to be mean but she aged 10 years. She weighed maybe 150 pounds before and now is 120 pounds and the wrinkles came out terrible. I don't want that. I want to be more healthy, yes, but I AM healthy now. I thought of how last year I went to Hersheypark and played the guess my age game...The girl said 26 and I was 36. I never felt so confident and proud then I did at that moment.

So, I am freeing my mind of my weight issues, I'm concentrating on what makes me feel beautiful and what I have that is beautiful, even if it is only a pretty face and skinny legs! hahahaha

My children are my mirror images of my happiness...what makes me happy is seeing my son excel so much and know that he is 4 with a kindergardner's brain and know that I am working so hard at homeschooling to help him even more. What makes me happy is teaching my daughter and watching her blossom into such a sweet spirit. She is only 19 months old and sitting on her potty already! Yea for Vanessa!!! Those little things give me so much happiness.

I've been making my own money and saving for a camera and I'm so close to achieving that goal and I can do my photography again, that makes me so happy. I gave forks and spoons that I decorate to Hayden's teachers, they didn't know I made them. They thought I bought them and as soon as they found out, they want to place orders to give as gifts! I'm ecstatic about that!!!! I do it as a hobby and it could make me money...woohoo!

I'm going to sing on Sunday, that makes me happy. I have a meeting coming up for volunteering with the Art League and I am so excited to see what all I can do. That makes me happy. It's not that I am saying, Oh, I will just stay fat...I just need to get rid of any thoughts about it at all because it puts negativity in me and makes me look at me from the outside and that is not what I want to teach my kids. I love food, I have pretty much gone back to no meat, I eat more vegetables than anything besides chocolate...hehehe. I make sure my kids eat great, they don't drink pop, they don't eat candy unless it is a special treat. I am doing what makes me happy and living a full, healthy life and having a ton of fun along with it.

I kept trying to figure out time to exercise...I don't want to figure out time to exercise...I want to stay so busy with my family and I am already so busy with extra-curricular activities and that is what I enjoy. I just don't want to worry about it anymore, I want to keep my youthful beauty from the inside out.

In ending, my conversation with my hubby opened a new door for me...I am throwing away the weight issues completely and concentrating on just making myself happy with the things that make me happy. That's all I need, truly. Friends, family, love, respect and my spirit to be free.