Heartache

Wow, summer is almost over...isn't that weird? It seems it just started. So much is happening in our lives right now between grieving over lost friends and illnesses, finding a new home and selling our home now. I do feel a little overwhelmed but I'm hanging in there and just taking it one day at a time. This is a happy time in my life but yet inside I am really hurting. I have a friend who has passed away, another one that I never got to say goodbye to. Then one who has cancer and not a good kind. Everyday, I have to stop and cry at least once. Thoughts of Tina and my uncle Jeff come to surface also, pain is just breaking my heart.

My friend Dee, who has found out she has cancer is my best friend's mom. Dee was the other "mom" in my life all through school. I can't remember when I first met her because Gigi and I have been friends for so long it just seems like forever. I'm really trying so hard to be strong for Gigi but I'm breaking down inside. I knew "someday" we would experience issues with our parents and even death but not yet...not this soon.

On the flip side of things, we found a house, we are putting ours up for sale on Saturday and kids are having a blast in Pennsylvania but my heart is just aching and aching. Nothing seems as important to me, well, at least not as important. My family is important, that's not what I'm saying. But house buying and selling seems so superficial when I have a friend who died and one who is dying. My grieving hasn't exactly stopped from Tina. I can still think about her and start sobbing.

I guess I wrote this entry as a journal writing and feeling the need to write what I am feeling. My heart is going to ache fo a long time.....a very long time.

Having Summertime Fun!

We have been having fun for sometime now but lately, we have just been having some great funny moments. I asked Hayden what he wants to be when he grows up and he told me a policeman. I said "Really?" and he said "yes, a policeman". So, I just had to write that in his journal, his first career choice at 4 years old...hehehe...I thought it was great. Maybe our gift of giving teachings have paved the way to where he wants to help others. Whatever it is, I'm so proud of him anyways.

The funny thing right now is he will ask me something like, what are we having for dinner? So I tell him and his answer is "nice..." and he says it like a smooth teenager...hehehe...He says it now ALL the time after anything, it is hilarious. I don't even know where he picked it up but it comes across like someone who would say "sweet!"...hehehe. He is such a funny kid.

Today we went to the children's museum and made a natural bird nest feeder. It was really cool and the kids had a blast. I had to peel them out of there and then we took daddy for lunch. They love that. Ludington is very happening right now, it's busy, the streets are loaded and it just makes me want to play the Beach Boys and drive around...hehe. We went and saw Reo Speedwagon and they were fantastic. We all danced and the kids loved it. Tomorrow is the parade, which is the best parade of Ludington, in my opinion and then another concert with fireworks.

Saturday is a beach day with family, food and fun and Sunday is church and the art fair. I am so excited to sing this week, we have some lovely songs. The gal I sing with told me she would really love to hear me do some solos, so I am thinking about it...I told her to ask me in a couple of months. My confidence is definitely building, I sing now with no nerves at all but I'm also on stage with other people. The youth pastor who leads the band said I sounded beautiful tonight at rehearsal and that made me feel really good. At my art council meeting, they found out I sing and jotted that down so I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into but hopefully it is a musical or theatre...That would be awesome!!

So, summer is buzzing by and we are having a great time...I haven't exercised in months and it really doesn't matter at this point, kids are first and my top priority...I'm having too much fun and LOVING it!! Something happened when we went away to Boyne Mountain for my husband's regional. I had soooo many people coming up to me and saying how awesome I looked and how they really look forward to seeing me each year and one even came up and said I'm a star, that everyone loves me...It was the weirdest thing because it wasn't just one or two...it was like 13 different people!! Then some even made comments to my husband about how much they love me and I'm so beautiful....okay, you don't understand, I lack serious confidence and have terrible self-esteem so for this to happen to me was mind blowing...

My hubby said everyone loves you, you have that personality and you glow and you are so beautiful....breathes....All I can say is, it made my entire year...I got showered with an unbelievable amount of compliments and I'm still in shock from it...I swear I'm not bragging, I'm just sharing an exciting time for me and I'm so happy I could burst!

So, back to my kids, enough about me....I have fantastic news!!! Hayden is going to be donating money to the children's museum and his preschool teacher works there during the summer so I was telling her today about his gift of giving project we are working on. She wants me to call her a few days before he hand delivers the money and she is having the newspaper come and take pics of him!! I am sooooooooooooo excited for him!!!

Having Summertime fun!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!
Happy 4th of July!!!